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How to wash your hair at home and obtain salon clean results

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When you go to the salon, your stylist uses several steps to get your hair clean and optimize final result, he or she will generally: 
1) Shampoo (cleansing shampoo) || Hair feels hard and very clean

2) Shampoo again (moisturizing shampoo) || Hair feels somewhat regular and clean

3) Condition (instant conditioner) || Hair feels slightly softer than usual

4) Deep Condition (using deep conditioner) || Hair feels like silk sheets

5) Select and use styling products based on the desired final outcome, usually using a leave-in first 

“Why don’t more people use a four step washing process at home? Do I really have to do all of this?”

The short answer; yes. Generally the average consumer purchases one shampoo and one conditioner. After surveying my clients, results showed my African American clients picked up moisturizing shampoo and moisturizing conditioner or deep conditioner. Zero percent of African American clients surveyed purchased a clarifying shampoo. This prompted me to create an article.

The Science Behind Hair Washing

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The PH of hair changes as soon as it hits the water; shampooing and conditioning changes the PH levels also. Imagine yourself diving to the bottom of the ocean. With the appropriate gear you can make it back to surface unharmed. Without the right gear you may never come back. The goal is to get your hair to come back being cleaner and softer than when you started.

These PH charts can give you a visual summary of the PH Balance Scale and where each head of hair falls on the scale. As you can see water moves your hair up the scale and all the efforts you make during the washing process bring you back down.

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Digressing for a moment, this chart focuses more on the affects of color and chemical services by presenting a diagram of the cuticle next to the chart. Hair appears frizzy and uncontrollable when the cuticle is not closed or is damaged and fried. Once it is truly damaged it cannot be saved and must be cut off.

Difference between clarifying shampoo and moisturizing shampoo

When choosing product it is important to READ the bottles because they mean what they say. The purpose of clarifying shampoo is to remove most of the old product, pollution and world elements in your hair. When you use heavy styling products like butter, starting with a cleansing shampoo is really a must. However, if you have been using products on the lighter side, you can skip the cleansing shampoo from time to time.

Moisturizing shampoo removes what is left behind and was not removed by clarifying shampoo. It contains less aggressive cleaning agents.


Difference between instant conditioning and deep conditioning 

The difference between regular conditioner, aka instant conditioner, and deep conditioner is deep conditioner usually has ingredient lists containing more oils and premium ingredients. It is made to sit on the hair and be processed with heat and/or time. That is why it cost more. 


If you do not have time to sit and use it properly do not put it on your hair. Rinsing deep conditioner right away is actually wasting your money, you will not get the best results. When you’re in a rush: moisture shampoo, instant condition and go to Step 2 and Step 3.

Instant conditioner gets your hair soft, but nothing compares to deep conditioner paired with heat and/or time. A deep conditioner in your hair with a plastic cap processed at room temperature for 45 mins, under the dryer for 20 mins or under the steamer or 20 mins will always feel softer and smoother than when you put your conditioner in and rinse it right out in a few minutes.

Reminder: When you use a cleansing shampoo, you have to do ALL of the steps of the wash process or your hair will just be a hard mess!


After you wash your hair, pick the leave- in of your choice do not use too much, then use whatever products you want to style your hair. 


My go to styling routines after hair is washed, clean, and wet/damp


For twists/twist outs I use Carol’s Daughters Healthy Hair Butter only, no leave in, nothing because the butter is so heavy my hair does not need anything else. I like a tiny bit of the honey on the ends, but I only use it if I have it already. My hair will be fabulous with or without the honey.


For up-do’s I use a leave in and my favorite is Kinky Curly (just a drop). I brush it into a ponytail and the put gel on the outsides (Cream of Nature Gel with the red top) and tie it down (with a perfect head tie) . I style what is left into a bun to the best of my abilities or use fake hair for the bun. 


For old hair that I do not have time to do over. I wet it. I try to wash it as much as possible using only water I do not add new product. I apply something to the edges, and do an up-do for the day just until I can get home to do it right. The purpose of wetting the hair is because when it is stiff and dry I can’t comb or brush it.


For Straightening 
DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME...PLEASE. I have tried to explain the process but most people just turn the flat iron to the top temp, burn their hair, refuse to do the recommended small sections, and try to use cheaper products than suggested, so I give up on sharing the trade secret and science of it.

SPECIFIC PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS

1.Kinky Curly……the line that houses the best cleansing shampoo on the market, available in Target.

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2. Deva Curl ...Below is my sister’s absolute favorite shampoo, conditioner and styling product. She uses One Decadence Shampoo, Conditioner and the coconut cream styler. Online it says these products are at Target and Walmart but I have NEVER seen it on the shelf. I suggest ordering it. Nikky is very linear. She does not use things from a bunch of different lines. After months of usage I have determined this line doesn’t moisturize enough for me. I find that it works best on Hispanic clients or clients with loose curls.

http://www.devacurl.com/products.html


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2.Carol’s Daughter’s….My hair does not care about Carols Daughter or Shea Moisture shampoo or conditioner anymore. I have been using the products for 10 years and my hair is just plain tired of it. When I did use CD, I used the black vanilla shampoo/conditioner, available in Target.

http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

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The Butter is the BEST I have ever seen on the market! The honey is a replacement for traditional hair grease and adds shine. Honey is in Target but the butter can only be found online! It is a top seller and NOTHING is better for a twist out.
http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

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3. Shea Moisture… When I used Shea Moisture I used these specifically.  Available in Target. I literally do not use ANY of the styling products from Shea Moisture. 

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4. Mielle Organics They have recently released a shampoo and conditioner for the Honey & Pomegranate line. I was introduced to this line by discovering the leave in first. My overall review for Mielle Organics is below.

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2016-2018 Best Deep Conditioners 

TGIN, Shea Moisture strengthen, grow and restore leave -in.I use this as a deep conditioner, process with heat and rinse out. Revive and Repair is Nikky's fave. Manuka Honey Intensive Hydration Masque, I discovered this masque in 2018 long after using the others.

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Leave-In's / Detangler 

Unlike most people, I use leave in as a deep conditioner with heat, or leave it in for a few and rinse most of it out because they all make my hair flaky. I love the way some of them detangle.

Top Choice: 

The word co -wash drives me crazy, I don’t know why, but this mixture is fire. Instructions say it is used as a cleaning conditioner. I just use it as a coditioner with my favorite shampoo. I’ve never been a fan of washing hair with only conditioner. My hair is instantly combable with this product, so it’s pretty amazing.

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Other Styling Products 
Karen Body Beautiful has an entire line of things.  I did not have a chance to try them all, but I fell in love with this one product called hair blossom moisture mist. It is basically a water mist but it has stuff in it that makes the hair so silky soft and easy to comb. 

Barry Fletcher Loc Set Serum the best loc serum in the world. Dries shiny and hold hair for weeks. For even better results use liquid moisture oil on the scalp.

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  • To recap, my old favorite (Shampoo & Conditioner) no longer work for my hair, but may work for you 

  • Always use a cleansing shampoo when hair is dirty

  • DO NOT waste expensive deep conditioner by rinsing it right out

  • Everything does not have to come from the same line. If it does great mainly because of the convenience of getting all your product in one place, but if it does not that is okay. What works is more important than what is convenient. 

  • Just because a line has one fire product does not mean all their products will work for your hair

These are just recommendations; not the law. Now that you understand the process or science to it and now know a few of the best products out, you may develop your own really good hair system. 


THE ULTIMATE PRODUCT REVIEW VIDEO RECAP

Deva Curl, Shea Moisture, Mielle Products, Kinky Curly

After the video I was able to try the Mielle line in its entirety. This was the result of Mielle shampoo, conditioner, leave-in, curl custard.

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How I saved my feet using vinegar

Did you ever feel like you didn’t need the scraper when getting a pedicure until they started using it? Do your feet feel disturbingly dry? There is hope.

When I receive a pedicure a pomace stone scrub is standard. During the summer of 2018 they used the tool that resembled a grater on my foot for the first time. My foot was smooth for the first few days and then it started to feel like it was peeling and flaking. I tried scrubbing it at home and it seemed to grate my already damaged skin. To make matters worse I stepped on a piece of glass at home, so I had a dry foot, very rough heels and a cut!

I remember that my aunt said using vinegar on her feet has been the best at home treatment she ever tried. Desperate for relief I pulled out my favorite “Braggs Apple Cider” and poured it into a basin. Then I put a little room temperature water in the basin. Next, I boiled some water in a kettle and added the piping hot water to the basin.

I let my feet soak until the water became cold. With a regular pumice stone I rubbed away all the dead skin being careful not to be too rough. I dried my feet with a cloth, covered them in Vaseline and put my socks on.

I am too embarrassed to show what my foot looked like before the treatment, so this is my foot after the treatment. The cut on the bottom of my foot looks like it was never there. The redness and extra skin from stepping on the glass was gone. There was still a tiny bit of dryness but nothing compared to the overly dry, ripped, textured skin I had the hour prior.

I did this vinegar treatment in December, it is now March. My feet, the heels especially, still feel and look fine. I will never let them grate my feet again! Lesson learned.

Reduced redness, removed several layers of skin

Reduced redness, removed several layers of skin

Both bottoms look the same can’t tell which on was punctured

Both bottoms look the same can’t tell which on was punctured

Textured grated ash is removed.

Textured grated ash is removed.

Moisturized on the coldest December evening

Moisturized on the coldest December evening

Erykah Badu Receives #THEPERFECTHEADTIE

Erykah Badu and Candalada

PRETTY & PAINLESS

Before: No hair added After: Kinky hair added

Before: No hair added After: Kinky hair added

Before : Previous Highlights

Before : Previous Highlights

After : Deposited Red Violet

After : Deposited Red Violet

FOOD/SNACKS/MEALS

FOOD: Alert New Pop Up Carry-Out!

Do not miss out on this. Follow them on Instagram and look at my video review. March 17th, 2019 is the next one. Do not expect sexy, it is a carry out and the food is good.

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Tikka: New Indian place in the mall

The food was good and they even have the correct oven to make the naan in. The naan is always made to order and will take at least 4 minutes to bake after ordered.

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SNACKS

Trader Joe’s cereal

Trader Joe’s cereal

This cereal did not taste that good in the milk. It was tolerable as a dry snack.

This cereal did not taste that good in the milk. It was tolerable as a dry snack.

This was good. It is really hard to mess up ginger ale.

This was good. It is really hard to mess up ginger ale.

This muffin tasted like cardboard. The chocolate was the only thing that could have made it somewhat enjoyable if it didn’t already taste like cardboard.

This muffin tasted like cardboard. The chocolate was the only thing that could have made it somewhat enjoyable if it didn’t already taste like cardboard.

These made my stomach hurt. I won’t buy them again.

These made my stomach hurt. I won’t buy them again.

Meals

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MOVIE & TV CORNER

NEW MOVIES

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If you read last month’s newsletter then you know the drill. The ratings below reflect how good the movie is for the genre it’s in. I am using a scale of 1-5. Five (5) representing excellence, three (3) okay and one (1) trash. The category legend is as follows:

(S) Superhero

(L) Love or Comedy

(ST) Story/Biopic

(A) Action/Thriller or Mystery


Greta (A): Rating 3 - Umm can you say weird? If you are looking for a slight thriller this will do. If you want to be scared shitless this won’t do it. Greta is all the way crazy. None of the graphics are cheesy or problematic. It took creators too long to tell the story.

Cold Pursuit (A): Rating 4.3 - I know we are supposed to be boycotting all his movies. Its already yanked out of theaters perhaps because of the scandal, but not the quality of the movie. The story was serious, but there was some dry comedy in how the creators did the screen play. The most interesting characters to me were the Indians.

Isn’t It Romantic (L): Rating 4 - This movies is funny. The cheesy musical at the end is over the top. Feel free to leave the movie as soon as the movie is over. They mistook the movie for a prince song and did not want to end it.

Captain Marvel (S):Rating 4 -There are many things about this movie that is entertaining. The only thing that could make it better is if the leading character was a stronger actor. Physically if she had sexier legs like super woman and talent wise she used a lot of the same facial expressions. It was refreshing that there was no romance added to the story. She was not dependent or longing for any man. In my opinion, the underlying message was to free your mind.

Her supporting cast was good, you know Samuel Jackson’s humor never gets old. The character that stole my heart was her best friend’s daughter. The time period they chose to hold the movie in was a pleasant surprise.

A Madea Family Funeral (L): Rating 4 - The language in this was wild. Some of the scenes were too long, making it seem like a play as usual. The scandal within the movie was good. There were some very attractive new women on screen that I haven’t seen before. Unfortunately, there was a man snoring to the top of his lungs from beginning to end when I was watching this movie. I complained about it and received a free movie ticket as an apology!

NETFLIX AND CHILL?

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The FRYE Festival scandal is something else. If you haven’t heard about it please watch FRYE Festival on Netflix. The biggest party to never happen. It. is. beyond entertaining and interesting. Hulu had their own documentary. I watched both, but if you only have time for one the Netflix version is the one.

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Good Girls will have you cracking up. Regular moms that really get themselves tangled up in street life. It seems so real and relatable.

SERIES JUNKIE

Game of Thrones is coming back April 14th!!! Man get ready. I tried to watch the show years ago. Two episodes in I couldn’t take it seeing a brother and sister kissing. This year I decided to tough it out. I watched 7 seasons! I am so so ready for April 14th. The story line is twisted and intricate. The evil villians are truly evil, the do gooders are hopeless romantics and the conflicted ….well they are conflicted. There is someone for everyone to relate to.

SITCOM JUNKIE

Is a series an over commitment because the episodes are too long? Okay fine. These are some sitcom recommendations:

  1. This Is Us- Tear jerking show about family issues, cancer, death, being over weight, adoption and raising kids.

    -ABC Network

  2. A Million Little Things - Tear jerker about infidelity, suicide, friendship, and cancer.

    -ABC Network

  3. Grownish- Takes place in a college setting. Leading actress is beyond beautiful. This show touches on every issue we ever had in college, from dating, classes, sex, studying and gender roles. It’s a spin off from Blackish, which I ironically have never watched.

    -Hulu

HaiR THERAPY CLUB MEMBER SHARE:

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The InCommunities team is excited to bring you a new opportunity to make a long lasting impact within your local community with the introduction of the IAD Homeless Elevation Program (IHELP)!

What is the IHELP Program?

The IHELP program is aimed at helping four local Washington, D.C. and Northern VA based homeless organizations with monthly food, clothing, and monetary donations. Each month, we will be collecting a specific donation item based on the needs of our beneficiary organizations.

When will this be taking place?

They will start collecting donations this Monday, March 4th.

 How can I contribute?

Donations for March (3/4-4/1)

Food, Jelly, Pancake Mix

Clothing, Blankets, Coats (all sizes)

 Which organizations are we benefitting?

DC Coalition for the Homeless, Washington, D.C. - Link

So Others Might Eat (SOME), Washington, D.C. - Link

McKenna Center, Washington, D.C. - Link

Cornerstones, Fairfax, VA - Link

MORE PRODUCT INFO

Product lines are expanding and here are some new items that I have spotted. I also noticed advertising show casing imperfections which I thought was cool. Check it out.

This models smile lines are visible and her skin looks real.

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Notice her hair is perfect, but she has one small tooth.

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Expansion

I have noticed an expansion of Camilla Rose. Kinky Curly has new products and Curls released a luxury line.

TGIN has bottles with white labels. Not sure if they are relabeling and discontinuing old products or if this a part of their expansion. Look at how similar this new white labels are to my old fav Honey Miracle Mask.

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There is a price drop on Kinky Curly come clean shampoo. They have left the $11.99 price mark and have reduced their price down to $9.99. This is most likely to compete with Shea Moisture.

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February Newsletter

Candalada

MOVIE REVIEWS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

Movies

There are many movies that came out in the past 365 and I have seen many of them! If you have not made your way to the theater and you need some help deciding what to watch, let me help you. Personally, I do not think it is possible to compare a thriller to a love movie. The ratings below reflect how good the movie is for the genre it’s in. I am using a scale of 1-5. Five (5) representing excellence, three (3) okay and one (1) trash. The category legend is as follows:

(S) Superhero

(L) Love or Comedy

(ST) Story/Biopic

(A) Action/Thriller or Mystery

Disclaimer: I believe your current emotional state affects the way a movie is received. For example, if someone is in love with you they may tend to enjoy a love movie more than a person who is experiencing a recent break up or a person that doesn’t even believe in love. For myself, I found that movies that depict a funeral or references to cancer affect me more than most movies and may have tainted my review process.

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STILL In THE THEATERS : 2019

Clicking the title of the movie will redirect you to the trailer for the movie.

MISS BALA (A) : Rating 4 - Of all of the movies listed, MISS BALA is the movie that I watched in a DOLBY theater. The leather reclining seats that slightly vibrated at every explosion and gun shot added a special touch. In my opinion (IMO), the lead character had an odd face. Seems irrelevant but, I do think there was a reason for that. Despite the drugs, money and danger, my biggest concern was how the romantic elements would unfold. The movie was full of action and offered a decent story line.

SERENITY (A) : Rating 3 - This is more of a mystery. The creators were on some other stuff when they made it this. After watching, you will think about the power of the mind and the consequences of decisions.

ESCAPE ROOM (A) : Rating 3.5 - The graphics in this movie are great. The evolution of the most shy character was very interesting. I know for sure that I would not have escaped. The chances of me going to any type of escape room now is about ZERO percent.This movie is highly entertaining.

THE UPSIDE (L) : Rating 5 - The reason I love this movie is because of how well it was written. There were layers to the comedy and seriousness. I was deeply engaged. The film touches on socio-economic trends, physical disabiliites, love, and trust. A must see.

IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK (ST) :Rating 5 - Sharon (Regina King) was the glue of this movie. There is a lot of music in the transition scenes and, I am not sure why, but that bothered me. It was probably there to help you think about what you just saw and have time to process your feelings as they switch scenes. I appreciated the artistry but still wanted the scenes to be shorter. The love that Tiff and Fonny shared is unbreakable. This movie is based on the book, “If Beale Street Could Talk” written in 1974 by James Baldwin.

FRESH OUT THE THEATER : 2018

VENOM (S) : Rating 3 - Made me laugh. This is not for kids at all. I didn’t know what to expect from this movie. Venom himself was pretty vulgar and kind of scary to look at.

AQUAMAN (S) : Rating 2 - The character of Aquaman is sexy and relatable however, his supporting members ruined it for me.The villain could not act all. I don’t know how he was cast for his part. The costumes were odd and I disliked Aquaman’s lovers hair. Her hair was terrible a red wig with an awkward looking part. Their on-screen chemistry wasn’t impressive either. Aqaman’s journey was the most meaningful to me. My biggest take away was comparing my current state to part of Aquaman’s journey.

BUMBLEBEE (S) : Rating 3 - Kid -friendly. This movie had a lot of character development. So if you are looking for lots of combat action, this isn’t the flick for that. I feel like I know more about Bumblebee, but ultimately I’m ready to get back to the entire team of Transformers.

SPIDER-MAN INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE (S) : Rating 5 - Family-friendly. This movie is fire for several reasons. Excessive art expression. Miles is relatable to African-American children; his clothes, shoes, hair and music selection are a true depiction of many teens. I appreciated his relationship with his father. The comic words throughout the movie were cool. Exploring the multiple dimensions was a creative way to include several time periods, nationalities and characters.

ROBIN HOOD (S) : Rating 3.5 - Jamie Foxx was a Moorish commander. That is not something that you see everyday. It was action packed. The star Taron Eagerton was charming at times. It just had that predictable feeling for the duration of the movie.

RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET (L) : Rating 5 -I was so amused. Although it was a cartoon, I didn’t feel like I was suffering through another kid movie. Explaining the internet isn’t easy. but the creators did a great job illustrating it. One of my favorite scenes was the comment room.

WHITNEY (ST) : Rating 4.5 - This is the only documentary on the list. What I enjoyed most was seeing video clips of Whitney that have never been seen before. Topics covered in this documentary included sexual abuse, sexual preference, embezzlement and training to be one of the biggest stars in the world.

NIGHT SCHOOL (L) : Rating 3 - The movie offers similar banter to “Girls Trip”. If you hate that type of comedy, then you won’t like “Night School”. Straight silliness from beginning to end. I heard many people say they didn’t like it. I don’t know what they were expecting. An old guy goes back to school…what exactly where they expecting?

NOBODY’S FOOL (L) : Rating 4 - This movie was so cute and funny. Danica (Tika Sumpter) the lead character was so uptight and she reminded me of myself. The movie focuses on her love life and work life. The main sex scene in this movie alone makes it worth the look. Tika Sumpters hair and make up was flawless. Movie touches on alcoholism and being catfished.

SECOND ACT (L) : Rating 4 - Mya (J-Lo,) the main character. basically works at Walmart and finagled her way into a high profile job. She struggled between her new lifestyle and her old life. Discovery of personal secrets make up the majority of the story line. J-Lo looked so beautiful in this movie. Super fit. All single mothers should look at this.

SUPERFLY (A) : Rating 4 - Personally, I fell in love with the main character Priest. He is so stylish and full of knowledge. Once I fall in love, I start getting stressed out wondering if and when he will die! The movie is a bit long but if you are looking for an around the way movie, with some elements of street life and the consequences, that is not low budget or poorly shot, then this is a great place to start. The original Superfly was made in 1972 featuring music by Curtis Mayfield . Click here to see the original trailer.

WHITE BOY RICK (ST) : Rating 4.5 - I sat in the chair and blinked for 10 minutes after this movie was over. Based on the true story of Richard Wershe Jr., the youngest informant in FBI in history. The movie illustrates how he was lured into a life of drug dealing, then abandoned. The story is set in Detroit during the 1980’s crack epidemic.

FIRST MAN (L) : Rating 4.5 - Based on the book, “First Man: The Life of Neil Armstrong”. This movie is serious and long. Even though most of the attention is on the main character, I was paying attention to his wife. The visuals were good but it was one of those movies with funerals that made me want to close my eyes. But, in order to receive the entire message, I had to keep looking. The main character is the definition of determination.

GREEN BOOK (L) : Rating 5 - This film was fire! Dr. Don Shirley is an African-American pianist that takes a tour in the south. His hired security is an Italian man named Tony Lip. The movies explores racism, music, friendship, sexuality and love. It is well balanced. Dr. Don Shirley displays poise, tact and elegance on-screen. His internal conflicts, mixed with the worlds’ biases, create a story worth watching.

A STAR IS BORN (L) : Rating 4.5 - The music was blasting me out of the theater. Really intriguing to see Lady Gaga without her costumes and heavy make-up. Brady Cooper was believable in his role as Jack. Jack was a drunk rock star and his inability to resolve what drove him to drink was disturbing to both the love of his life and all that surrounded him. In the mist of this chaos…a star was born. The song “Shallow” was my son’s immediate favorite. He requested for me to play it and it evoked emotions which led him to cry openly and talk to me about missing his grandma about a month after seeing the film.

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (ST) : Rating 5 - The story of the British rock band Queen. It follows the lead singer Freddie Mercury and shows how he influenced the band. The movie takes us through the make-ups, the breaks-ups and the creation of the musical hits. Watching this movie will remind you, if you don’t already know, how dope Queen is. You will realize you know so many of their songs and albums, even if you never purchased them, because they have tons of iconic tracks under their belt.

WIDOWS (A) : Rating 4.5 - When the movie picked up I was on the edge of my seat. After I watched, “Set it Off” many years ago, any movie with a group of at least four women doing something dangerous has to be watched. Veronica (Viola Davis) does not disappoint. The scary guys in this movie really are scary considering theses women have no one they could turn to for help or protection.

BAD TIMES AT EL ROYALE (A) : Rating 5 - This movie was all over the place. I was surprised several times an did not know what to expect. My favorite character was Darlene Sweet (Cynthia Erivo). Basically a bunch of people end up in a creepy hotel. Each character has a different back story and freedom becomes a common goal for them all.

PEPPERMINT (A) : Rating 3.5 - There is not other way to say it. She really kicked some people ass in this film. Her organized anger makes you feel like you can do it also. This film has the vibe of the movie Enough. She has no team to help her and has figure things out alone. Her only mission is justice and to protect the innocent. This film satisfies the me against the world take justice into your own hands concept.

ACRIMONY (A) : Rating 3 - Would I be this crazy if this happened to me? That is a question you may ask yourself after watching Melinda (Taraji P. Henson) snap relentlessly. I could see why some people said the couldn’t take it and it was too much. If recently had a break up watch it so she can carry out the rage you feel inside. If you are looking for a great movie for the evening skip this.

A LITTLE LATE : 2016 -2017

THE MOUNTAIN BETWEEN US: Rating 5 - I started watching this movie last year and I was too impatient that night. I opted to watch a comedy instead. Last week on a cold winter night, I decided it was time to try again. I’m too much of an Idris Elba fan to let any of his films slip through the cracks.

This is a story about survival and love! It was beautiful.

TV movies

FUNNY

MOVIES

Love By The 10th Date was fun for me. Pure comedic relief. Lifetime movie.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5881970/videoplayer/vi1395505433

BIOPIC

I never knew it could be so hard to watch someone play the role of MJ. Although that was a struggle for me. I couldn’t stop watching because I wanted to hear the commentary of the security guards perspective of the final years with Michael. Lifetime movie.

DEEP MOVIES

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The movie Confirmation recalls the events that took place in the 90’s with Anita Hill and her supervisor (Clarence Thomas). She was sexually harassed at work and endured a series of grueling hearings involving the incidents when her former supervisor Thomas decided to obtain appointment as a Supreme Court Justice.

Sometimes, I learn from movies. I did not know anything about this prior to watching the movie. After watching the movie, I went online and looked up “Anita Hill” the character Kerry Washington played to see her actual testimony. It was heart breaking. She was so brave.

confirmation movie 2016

This movie was hard for me to watch. The main character suffered from the same type of cancer as my mother.I found the story to be touching. Topics included siblings with different perspectives, dishonesty and questionable medical testing.

What bothered me most after watching this movie was the unsafe feeling in my heart. How much is being done to protect cancer patients and their families from experiencing similar situations as the Lacks’ family? Why is this okay?

HAVE I BEEN RAPED?

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rape

noun (1)

\ ˈrāp  \

Definition of rape

 (Entry 1 of 4)

1: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception — compare SEXUAL ASSAULTSTATUTORY RAPE

2: an outrageous violation

3: an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force


Rape is one of the most uncomfortable subjects. Ignoring that it happens and not discussing it can’t help victims of rape. There are black and white examples of rape however thorough personal experience and discussion I have learned that a fake “grey area” has been created protecting many rapist in the U.S. around the world.

BLACK AND WHITE EXAMPLE

If you are walking home dragged into and alley and a man you do not know has sex with you against your will near a dumpster that is considered rape to anyone that hears the story.

FAKE GREY EXAMPLE

You just met a cute guy a few weeks ago. Thus far you have been on a date or two and text often. He invites you over and you arrive at 10 P.M. You decided to watch a Netflix crime show in his bed. He leans in to give you a kiss which you enjoy but then he attempts to pull your pants down and you say, “No, I am not ready for all of the that.” You have spent the past 11 months with no sexual activity in an attempt to spiritually cleanse. After you pull away, he pins your hand down, rips your pants off anyway and forces his was inside of you. Tears come down the side of your face. He keeps kissing you and when it is over he lays there and goes to sleep. You are stiff and frozen, you never fall asleep, you don’t leave but you don’t take the chance to kill him while he is sleeping either. You are upset but feel it is your fault because you came to his house willingly so that means you must have sent the wrong message.

First, Why doesn't no mean anything? Having to skip foreplay to shove it in because you know you don’t have consent but still desire to conquer the victim should be enough to know what happened was wrong. Right?

Many women are violated then take no action against their attacker when they know them. When did the factor of being ex lovers or potential lovers turn into a pass for having sex with a women whether she desires you are not?

Speaking first with my peers before looking at the numbers each women I spoke with about the subject had at least one experience that she felt was not acceptable. They felt powerless to stop it, filed no report and the attacker suffered no consequence.

I visited the national sexual violence resource center website to get up to date statistics on rape in relation to lovers these were my findings.

Sexual Assault in the United States

  • One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives (a)

  • In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)

  • 51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance (a)

  • 52.4% of male victims report being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger (a)

  • Almost half (49.5%) of multiracial women and over 45% of American Indian/Alaska Native women were subjected to some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)

  • 91% of victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male (m)

  • In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator (j)

  • Eight percent of rapes occur while the victim is at work (c)

Cost & Impact of Sexual Assault

  • The lifetime cost of rape per victim is $122,461 (n)

  • Annually, rape costs the U.S. more than any other crime ($127 billion), followed by assault ($93 billion), murder ($71 billion), and drunk driving, including fatalities ($61 billion) (j)

  • 81% of women and 35% of men report significant short- or long-term impacts such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (a)

  • Health care is 16% higher for women who were sexually abused as children and 36% higher for women who were physically and sexually abused as children (k)

If you would like to learn more about how to educate yourself or others on sexual violence. The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape (PCAR) and the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) aims to provide a variety of eLearning modules to educate and support you in your efforts to prevent and respond to sexual Violence.

CAN I BOOK A REAL SUPERHERO FOR A KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTY?

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The short answer is YES! Hair Therapy member Tonya L. found BumbleBee for her son’s birthday party! As a woman always behind the scenes, I got the scoop from him myself. The costumes are self-made. Some other character he has are Iron Man and Batman. Contact information below:

Heroes For Hire, LLC

www.heroes4hirecostumes.com

443-569-9044

pday2242@yahoo.com

5 StAr Event HOSTING @ THE RiTz Carlton

Do you have your own company or a special event on the way? I had the pleasure of attending the Star Gala at the Ritz Carlton in Crystal City. If you opt to host your company event or special event here, this is what you can expect.


NEW PLACES TO EAT

RED MANGO : POTOMAC TOWN CENTER

New to our area, but not new to the world, Red Mango is here! Recommended to me by Hair Therapy member Dr. Groff and tried the same day. When I walked into Red Mango I was offered a SPK. “WTF is an SPK?” I thought to myself. I politely asked and was informed it Is Spinach, Pineapple juice and Kale. For years, I haven’t been able to try any of these green juices primarily because I don’t like kale that much and figured mushing it up would make it worse. This SPK was great. I actually ordered a life sized one. Offering smoothies, juices and a flex-atarian menu, Red Mango is here to give Tropical Smoothie a run for their money! And, they might win! With no added sugars to their drinks and the walk around the counter to hand it you service left a good first impression for me.

Food-wise, Issa tried the fanciest peanut butter and fruit sandwich and I tried the flatbread. He didn’t care for the fruits and requested the next time we get the sandwich with bananas inside. My flatbread was bland because I asked for it with pesto on the side. So after Googling exactly what is in pesto, I added it to my sandwich and it tasted much better.

OUTSIDERS PIZZA COMPANY

Detroit has a pizza style? Let’s blame the reason why I didn’t know that on me being from NY where Italian and Chicago are the only other styles I’ve ever heard about. I had to try this. The tag line DAMN GOOD really caught my eye. Found in Food Lion in Dillingham Square.

Cooked in 25 mins in the pan it was packed in and it was good! The fontina cheese… yum. The bread base wan’t like any home cooked pizza I have had before. I was afraid it would be weird but it was not. I am a bread lover. If you are on a diet or do not eat the crust on your regular pizza, skip this.

To learn more about the company click here. You may be in for another shocker on the website. They have Milawakee style pizza :)

January Newsletter

Candalada

Are you having trouble losing weight?

LOOSING WEIGHT

I saw this video online by Dr. Amy Lee and I thought it was great. Even if you do not buy the pills she tries to sell towards the end of the video still take notes about her findings on how the digestive system works. She speaks about foods that are marketed as healthy but very dangerous for the body. CLICK PICTURE BELOW TO SEE VIDEO ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS.

REBUILDING FROM NOTHINGNESS

Photo by Kevin Marable

Photo by Kevin Marable

Prior to the passing of my mom, when she could still stand, we spent afternoons going through her closet. She would tell me who she wanted to give items to and why. We would listen to Prince and I would do silly dances but in the back of my head I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe I was preparing for life without her. I had already been scared everyday for about a year, wondering how I would go on or what life would be like. What does life feel like without the safety net of a responsible mother?

The day it happened I knew it was the day (Sept 2nd, 2018). My son was sick and he is never sick. He was in bed and it was almost noon. I went downstairs to see her and the nurse said it wouldn’t be long. Some of my family members joined me. It was pretty quiet before we decided to play some musical selections. Her finger twitched when we played, “I will always love you” by, Whitney Houston. So we played it again. By the end of the second time she was gone. Her chest rose and fell one last time and I could not believe my eyes. I wanted to rip my eyes out. Instead I cried quietly. My father called during those last minutes. It is amazing how he can feel my heartbreak from states away. I mumbled it’s happening and dropped the phone on the floor to hold her hand.

Afterwards, I immediately went upstairs and put on my headphones to drown out the commotion of what was to follow. All the articles I read recommended not to watch when the funeral home comes to remove the body. I spent the rest of the day very close to my sister. We slept in the same bed watching tv and looking at videos and pictures of her on our phones. My aunt was kind enough to take my son for the night. She informed me the next day he spent the entire night throwing up but she wanted me to have some respite so she didn’t call.

I woke up the next day (Sept 3rd, 2018) absent from emotion. My brain lost all the vivid images and dreams of the future and replaced them with to-do list. Cleaning, organizing and reading every document she ever owned was my primary focus. I spent 8-11 hours a day cleaning. I started gathering all of my mothers things from every single part of the house, sorting and organizing them. As the days continued, I donated bag after bag of items to the thrift store.

My sister and I planned her memorial with input from our grandfather. It took place on Sept 16th, 2018. The memorial was held at a golf club and immediately followed by a catered brunch. I expected 65 guest and 120 people attended. When it was over I felt relief. When I returned home I continued to clean. I threw away the once beautiful flowers that were shriveled in vases and washed the dishes.

When there was nothing left to clean I started researching the total cost of repairs and upgrades. It took a week of quotes and questions before I could really understand what was highest on the list of priorities. The most prominent danger indoors was electricity. The sockets were weak and shorting and some lights didn’t work. I have never been a home improvement kind of girl but these quotes will make anyone at least try to evaluate what they are really willing to pay for and what they can handle on their own.

After reading a quote for $22,000 I decided there had to be a better way. I asked myself what would my mother do if this was a task assigned to her? She would set an objective everyday. She would meet the objective everyday. She would complete each task and make it look easy but her diligence and willingness to wake up early would be the key.

My mom was the queen of unfinished home improvement projects but the way she approached her professional work was better than the average person. She was the master of simplicity, she really understood money and she was extremely organized.

I decided to treat the responsibility like a job. I spent 10-14 hours a day moving things. The objective was to update the main level and the kitchen. Every article about homes made it clear that the, “Kitchen is King” or “The Heart of The Home”. The house was built in 1982 and had no structural upgrades since then. In order to have the home improved every room being worked on had to be as clear as possible. Emptying the first level was step one. It was tiring and required at least a million trips upstairs.

My cousin and friend assisted me with the demolition of the kitchen and carpet removal. I was referred to a female contractor that gave me a deal on the floors. I spent hours in Home Depot collecting information and advice about appliances. My mom’s friends assisted me with purchasing affordable cabinets and I abandoned the idea of custom cabinets. I installed the cabinets myself. I accepted that I needed help holding the uppers up after I attempted to install an upper alone and I dropped it.

After several weeks of focusing and receiving help from friends I saw major progress. I became more comfortable with the drill. Towards the end I began, painting the trim, stairs and front door. I stained the banister to match the floor and started fixing little things that I could handle.

In black and white this seems like such a victorious and triumphant linaear story. There was a lot of fighting and disagreements with family and former friends. Relationships I valued turned to fragile despair. Despite the feuding, I had on blinders and wanted to finish the job. I processed almost zero emotions although I knew a breakdown happen at anytime. In conversations I said exactly what I was thinking but I did not feel any mushy emotions, neutral and angry was all I had available.

The day after Thanksgiving noticed I lost a bracelet that was very important to me. I used it to keep myself aligned. My father gave it to me as a graduation gift in 2006. The first indication that I was wearing down emotionally was the outburst I had about the bracelet while looking for it late one night. I was already looking for weeks. I cried yelled and screamed. I went outside in a robe and Timbs frantically looking through my trunk. I thought to myself, “How is it that I haven’t cried about my mom but I am crying about a bracelet? Or am I really crying about my mom and I think I am crying about a bracelet?”

By the time Christmas was approaching and I wasn’t completely finished however, the renovations looked good enough to take a break and prepare for holiday visitors. Trying to drill holes while someone is trying to bake a cake wouldn’t work. I put the tools away and prepared to take a few days off from the 20th to New Years.

During these rest days I realized I was so tired of going through everything alone. As in without a life partner. The person I love revealed that they didn’t love me back. Like and best and had no plans for a future that involved me. I was disappointed to hear this and I spent the days between Christmas and New Years doing nothing. I cried the entire break. I was focused on nothing. I felt like nothing. I completely lost momentum. I suddenly became sad about everything. It was uncontrollable. I missed at least 50 Merry Christmas text. I spent the day in the dark. I didn’t go to see my family on Christmas. By 8 p.m. I decided to go to the movies with my son. The movies is the only place where no one can see me. I do not have to speak but I can still be entertained. The screen is so large and the sound is so robust it is hard to think of anything but the story in front of you.

What was I going to do? Where was my energy and enthusiasm? Why did everything that was so important suddenly not matter anymore. How was I going to motivate myself to finish the things that I told my mom I would take care of? What if I die to? Then what? Do I even have enough in place to think that I can even take this time out to be sad? The answer was no.

I did a bunch of manual labor and turned myself into a fake contractor but I didn’t do much self-care. You couldn’t pay me to have a positive thought. I thought what would my mom do? First of all she would never feel like me because she isn’t emotional enough to even get like this. She would read something about the topic she is having trouble with. Back in the day she was a librarian. She has a healthy collection of books.

I went under my bed and pulled out two books, “Becoming” by Michelle Obama and “9 steps to Financial Freedom” by Suze Orman. My grandfather bought “Becoming” for me during his Thanksgiving visit and the finance book was my mother’s. I randomly wrote a journal entry about the day about my feelings. I read 13 pages of each book and took some notes. The very first page of my mom’s book had scribble in it about the best pizza in New York. In the pages she highlighted key words. I felt a calmness come over me. I was not cured, I was still pissed about my bracelet, missing my mother and crushed about my love but something positive was happening.

I told myself: I don’t have the power to recover lost items. It is okay to miss my mom and it is okay to cry. If someone doesn’t love me I still have to love myself and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. Sounds so simple, but all were hard to accept. Reading though the days gave me something else to think about. I thought about what I was learning about Michelle Obama and more about the blue print and principles my mother followed and less about my worries of the future and unrequited love.

I spend most days listening to my son tell me about his dreams and helping him with his homework. I try to get him to speak about his emotions and I encourage him to practice his music. I go to bed earlier and when I can’t sleep I listen to music. I made a recent effort to not fight with my body, my mind or others. When I am tired I sleep and when I have energy I work. I understood why reading the books were calming. books can not yell at you or judge you. They only inform you or force you to think. I found this to be the most best way to spend alone time.

I always known thoughts, success and survival are directly connected. This Is why people that believe in themselves make it despite talent sometimes. What happens when you stop believing and the comments seep into you? You break! it doesn’t happen to me often but when it does it is a challenge to recover from. A friend and I came up with a saying called “Block The Noise”. Noise can come from yourself thinking the worst things or someone speaking to you. Blocking the noise is HARD. Especially if you are the noise!

This is my truth only 4 months into a life of forever with my mother.

Candalada / Shelly B

Candalada / Shelly B


WHAT CANCER AWARENESS MEANS TO ME

Put briefly cancer scares me. It has changed the way I shop, the way I eat. The more people I speak to the more people I discover have it. It is becoming as common as a cold. I don't know what the call to action is. I just support excessive check ups and asking an unlimited amount of questions during doctor visits.

Candalada

Candalada

NEW VEGGIE FOOD TO TRY

Heat and serve great with Naan

Heat and serve great with Naan

Located at Mom’s Grocery Store in Woodbridge, VA

Located at Mom’s Grocery Store in Woodbridge, VA

Salsa’s Mex Grill at Potomac Mills Mall (across from Popeyes) : Plantains: crispy and sweet

Salsa’s Mex Grill at Potomac Mills Mall (across from Popeyes) : Plantains: crispy and sweet

Salsa’s Mex Grill at Potomac Mills Mall: Veggie Quesadilla : Full of flavor and spicy

Salsa’s Mex Grill at Potomac Mills Mall: Veggie Quesadilla : Full of flavor and spicy

WTF Walmart

Caucasian products, left. African American products, right.

Caucasian products, left. African American products, right.


Walmart Woodbridge products for Caucasian hair have no additional security , products for African American hair have extra surveillance and cases. I encourage them walk across the street to Target 🎯 to see what a layout looks like. The cameras in Target are placed in the ceiling and evenly distributed. In the lotion, ethnic, Caucasian and beauty product aisle.

Target: beauty product layout

Target: beauty product layout

Target: African American hair products and lotion

Target: African American hair products and lotion

What I saw in Walmart was heartbreaking.I don’t care how much is stolen that is not what shopping should look like. This is why online shopping will eventually destroy the in store experience. Especially for those who are tired of being discriminated against when they go into the store.

The Walmart beauty section is cased in with cameras on every aisle, with visible monitoring screens and items must be paid for before leaving the beauty section of the store.

Notice in the picture below. The camera is directly on top of Vaseline and cocoa butter products.

Walmart: Lotion Display

Walmart: Lotion Display

PRINCE ISSA UPDATE

Click to picture to learn more about Prince Issa. How he used art to cope with grief.

December Newsletter

Candalada

THE PERECT GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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the black one comes in rectangle and square shaped. Preserve your hair styles by sleeping in pure silk.

Square shaped for full coverage.

Square shaped for full coverage.

Now offering faster shipping.

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Quick Veggie Friendly Food

Located at Potomac Mills Mall. The best part of the meal was the shake. They also offer different seasoning options for the fries.

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Hummus Wrap, French Fries and Strawberry Mango Shake

Hummus Wrap, French Fries and Strawberry Mango Shake

MOD PIZZA

Chipotle, & Pizza concept. Select your own ingredients.Tons of sauce and topping choices. The BBQ sauce seems better than the traditional red sauce in my opinion. The raspberry lemonade is sugary and delicious.

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THE BEST CORNBREAD IN WOODBRIDGE IS HIDDEN IN A BAR!!!

If you are not into attending bars or smoking hooka you may miss out on this food! It worth getting an order to go. Everything taste good however the really well seasoned green beans and the cornbread is out of this world! The wings or cajun shrimp if you eat meat. Babylon is located on Golansky Blvd in Woodbridge, Virgini.

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November Newsletter

Candalada

THE PERFECT HEAD TIE

Available in purple.

This month Hair Therapy released The Perfect Head Tie in two colors!!!!! Magenta and Purple. Both have special meaning calling attention to cancer awareness and special release dates tied to the people in Candalada’s life. November 5th , marking the 6Oth birthday of my dad. November 10th marking the birthday of my extremely supportive aunty Roxxane.

COUNTER POINT EXHIBIT by NikkRich OPENING DAY

NikkRich announced her first photo book Counter Point at the event. The book is currently available online.

October Newsletter

Candalada

HAIR THERAPY KIDS ARE GROWING UP: HOMECOMING

Moriah daughter of Dr.Groff

Moriah daughter of Dr.Groff

NEW CUT FOR CANDALADA

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NEW COLORS OF THE PERFECT HEADTIE ARRIVE NOVEMBER 5th and 10th

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THEPERFECTHEADTIE

NIKKRICH TO HOST EXHIBIT IN DC Nov 3rd

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#COUNTERPOINT

Exhibit by NikkRich

September Newsletter

Candalada

SepTEMBER 2ND HEAVEN GETS A NEW ANGEL: THE LIFE OF SHELLY B.

In 2011 my moms struggle with ovarian cancer began. The cancer went into remission in 2012 and returned in 2017. On Sept 2nd, my mom lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer. This was a very challenging experience for myself and my family. I read everything I could find about her specific type of cancer and learned how to be a care taker. However, no amount of discussion or reading could prepare me for the loss of a my mother. I will always remember her excellent advice in regards to finances and fashion.

I honor her legacy daily by being stylish, resourceful and giving back when I can. Gone but never forgotten my Shelly B.

Pictures of my mom. (Various Years)

Pictures of my mom. (Various Years)

The life of Shelly B. memorial celebration Sept 16th, 2018

The life of Shelly B. memorial celebration Sept 16th, 2018

The Perfect HeadTie (Teal)

The Perfect HeadTie (Teal)

Teal streak in honor of Shelly B.

Teal streak in honor of Shelly B.

NEW REVIEWS OF PLACES TO DINE IN THE DMV

LanHam, MD

Can you say yummy? The healthiest thing I ate all week. I also tried the macaroni and cheese. Overall the food was good. The service was slow and my plate was thrown away when I went to the bathroom.

kitchen Cray food

WoodRIDGE, Virginia

This food truck is located across the street from the mall in the parking lot of Floor & Decor in Woodbridge, Virginia. Tony made a veggie taco for me. Rice, beans, avocado, lettuce, tomato, cheese. The corn tortilla and red sauce made this dish very memorable.

CATCHING Up WITH BARRY FLETCHER

Barry Fletcher and Candalada

Barry Fletcher re-launched the his product “Egg Cream”. The product has been newly formulated and comes in new creative packaging shaped like an egg. The product launch party was held Sept 9th at the Hair Palace Salon in Maryland. To learn more about his products visit the Barry Fletcher Products website.

Barry Fletcher Egg Cream

August Newsletter

Candalada

THE PERFECT HEAD TIE

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Preparing for the launch of new colors in November Candalada created promo videos on Instagram reminding customers that the product is primarily for sleeping by wearing the head tie as a headscarf and a top with custom lingerie.

VISITING ERYKAH BADU @ SPIRIT FESTIVAL

Stage View: The best seats can not be purchased.

Stage View: The best seats can not be purchased.

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Miss LaLa

Miss LaLa

BENS CHILLI BOWL HAS VEGGIE CHILLIE!! DON’T GET THE VEGGIE HOT DOG IT IS COOKED ON THE SAME GRILL AS THE HALF SMOKE !!!!

Veggie Chillie

Veggie Chillie

BIG HAIR DON’T CARE

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It has been two years since my hair was a number 1 (April 2016-August 2018). Sometimes when I wear a twist out my afro looks small. I prefer to brush out the curls and wear all the hair on top of my head.